Breaking Point

I don't know if my mums drinking has gotten worse or if I've been so used to it/in denial about it that it has taken a week away from home to finally see it.

A bit of background - I'm 25 and I still live with my mother (sad, I know), my dad now lives in another country, my sister is pretty self involved and busy with her own life/family/depression and my mum only really has 2 friends (and that's being generous) so I feel responsible for her, she didn't cope well when I moved away for uni, I would come home to find the sound on the tv hadn't been working for days and she would be waiting for me to fix it, even now she can't put on a DVD or set the time on her phone herself. I always sort of felt like I was being forced into the husband/man of the house role (not so fun when you're a girl) and definitely more so lately I have taken on the role of the parent.

I guess it's only just dawned on me how bad it's gotten upon returning from a week at my dad's on Wednesday evening and not actually seeing my mother sober until Sunday morning. I can tell (as can all of you probably) within a minute of getting in from work if she's had even one drink, I now feel sick on the way home from work every day knowing what is waiting for me. I need to talk to her about it I know, there's no point in speaking to her once she's had a drink as she won't remember (although I've found her drunk memory very selective in the past) and I never see her sober, every time I think I've worked up the courage to confront her I can hear her muttering aloud every inane thought that comes into her head and I know she's too far gone for today, but maybe tomorrow.

 

Just know that reading all of your experiences has given me great comfort, none of us should have to visit a site like this but I'm glad one exists. J.

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