Father has been a crack/cocaine addict ever since I can remember.

My father is 52 years old (I'm 21) and he has been addicted basically since I was born. I've never been close with my dad...he and my mother divorced when I was 11...it wasn't a happy family life....he was very physically and emotionally abusive to my mother and my two brothers..but has never laid a hand on me although has said awful things to me throughout my life...The last night we lived with my dad in the house that he and my mom built, he broke my mother's rib and we took off down the dirt road with me on her back...we were both barefoot. My mother is the best thing in my life and I honestly can call her my best friend. I remember the smell of crack coming from his office....my mom tried to explain it to me but i couldn't quite grasp it at that time what he was doing exactly...although i knew it was something bad...something that my mom would get really mad at him for doing...my mother just recently informed me that my father had raped her once and although i was shocked, i wasn't surprised...I had never let my dad know that i knew about his addiction until recently....he came to stay at mine and my boyfriend's apartment (for what I thought would be a short time) and he ended up being here for a month...he was here to work (which he hasn't had a real job in years) anyway one day after he went to work he came back to my apartment, went to the bathroom, and stayed in there for over an hour smoking crack...at first i couldn't believe what was happening....but the smell became overpowering and afterwards he came out of the bathroom with glazed over eyes and very antisocial and watched tv for hours and hours...i locked myself in my room and cried...and cried...and cried...i couldn't believe he was doing this to me....after he was basically absent all of my life, and here I am trying to help him out (he is going to court for posession soon and will probably serve major time because he violated probation by getting caught with baggies of coke and marked bills in a sting operation) so i thought i would let him stay here and make money before this happens...i had told my mom every time he was using over the phone and she called him telling him he couldn't do it again or she was going to call the cops...my dad was at work when she called and he called me back with some lame excuse on how he was "sealing up plastic bags" in the bathroom....i finally had the balls to say "no you weren't dad, we all know what you do....i know what you were doing and you can't deny it anymore" and after denying it for over 5 minutes he finally gave in and explained to me that he only had a little bit left in his pipe and needed to smoke it...i was stunned...my father has always denied his addiction to nearly everyone....even though i know he knows that everyone in his life is aware of his problem...so he left a week or so later for court and now wants to come back and stay for a "Few" more days...but i know it wont just be a few days...i told him no and that i needed to live my own life and i can't handle him doing drugs in my house...so he told me to f**k off and then he hung up on me....but what else am i supposed to do? let him fill my apartment with crack smoke and buy him food and cigs? i just can't handle this sh*t anymore and i sort of wish he would just disappear from my life...but he's my dad....i love him...i can't stop loving him but i need to be the first to not enable him like everyone else...do you guys have any thoughts/suggestions on what to do from here and how to let go of all of this pain i've been harboring but hasn't come out until this whole situation occured....i'm lost...

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