New here - just introducing myself and my story.

Hello, I am 23 years old, I have a 5 year old son and I did have an alcoholic Dad, he sadly passed away in 2013....we were very close. He was not an abusive alcoholic, he was very depressed, sad and lonely. I loved, and still love my Dad with all my heart, I have accepted that he is gone, it hurts very much but I have accepted it now. I spent a good 6/7 years trying to 'save' my Dad from the alcohol....I didn't get to say goodbye to him, he passed away in his sleep...we didn't know it was coming. 

Although I have accepted that he has gone, I still find it very hard to accept that he loved the Alcohol more than he loved me and my brothers and most importantly himself, its hurtful and its heartbreaking....all I wanted was for him to get better. 

I often feel very alone, even though I have a million people around me, I don't feel I can talk to them at all....I feel like they are all getting on with life and I am kind of stuck....its hard to explain...alot of people with parents that are addicted seem to be angry, not speaking to them, not in their life etc but I was very much in love with my Dad, he was unwell and was never unkind to me (he did say a few unkind things but only about himself which in turn hurt me).....he never hurt me on purpose, he never physically hurt me at all.....

I can't seem to get any type of closure, as he passed away in his sleep and I didn't see him until he was at the funeral directors, all I think about some days is whether he was in any pain, whether he knew he was dying etc etc...I have come here, to hopefully help myself...I need an outlet, a place to talk, I hope I find it here.


Thank you for reading xx