My poem about my Mum

I love my Mum, and she loves me but every time I look into her eyes I don't like what I see.    One second she's fine and the next second she's not mine. Every night while I'm sleeping in bed, I hear screaming, shouting or names calling. This isn't what I know her to be... Why can't my mummy be just like me?   The voice inside her head tells her to go to bed - that little voice is me but she chooses the bottle over me. She's not my friend, she betrayed me.    Many bottles hidden, under the bed, in the draws, down the side of the sofa... I just want a normal Mum who appreciates me for being me.    You changed me and now I've changed back to the person everyone knew me to be. I've won trophies, medals and certificates but you tell me I've changed. I've changed because I'm not like you. I'm me, now leave me be.    You've taken my childhood, you've costed me my friends I'm not letting you ruin anything else for me. If you prove to me, maybe we can agree; work together, visit places and be a proper Mum to me.   I've given you so many chances why do I try? I try because I love you but all you do is cry and let the wind pass by.. Then I'm gone.    You choose the men and them bottles. Aren't your kids meant to be worth ten of them? I've had enough.   You feel hopeless like nothing can save you. Then I think of you and say I don't want to be like that... Follow my footsteps Mum and I'll lead the way... But as usual you choose the bottle over me.    I'm past all of this, the journey never would last. You've lost and I've achieved, why can't you be pleased for me? You tell me you love me, then tell me you hate me.    I'm looking to the future because I'm done with the past, you've put me through  so much pain, I think it's time to tie the chain.    Ive visited COAP and it's perfect for me. Alcohol affects both you and me. I've worked hard and so can you.    Are you scared Mum because I was too, but on this site there's people just like me.    Just like me, you can find help too. Just type in on google, the helps not far away... Do the right thing Mum - be who people know you to be.    I love you Mum, but the monsters taking over you quicker than i thought. You tell me hes gone, your an alcoholic I struggle to believe.     One day she will change, but you haven't proved anything to me; be who you want to be.   You've decided to choose the wine, now I'm choosing the best and leaving you to rest.    You'll always be my Mum and I will always love you but Im broken inside, find me when you've opened your eyes.