Drug addicted Dad

Hi my name is kelly. Im 20 years old and my dad is a drug addict and has been for the past 16 years or so. There isnt a day that goes by where I dont think... how is my dad still alive? im sure you guys think that to. My dads addcited to cocaine, herione, pills, not so much crack but has done it. You know ive seen him snort, ive seen him shoot up and more. The youngest memory I have of my dad being high was maybe when i was around 5 or 6 i rememeber him going through my moms purse and taking out money, right before he was about to leave i rememeber asking him to stay and to please play with me ( i was crying) he looked at me already high but in his eyes i could see the sadness and addicition. I knew he wanted to stay but his mind and body told him to leave and do more drugs. Its crazy that i still rememeber this and it tourtes me all the time. These drugs have consumed my dad and my family. Im an only child which is rough because I dont really have anyone to cry to at night or you know just to have a simple conversation with. My mom works two jobs from 4am to 2pm then 4pm to 9pm.... life is tough is all i can say. I try not to cry or show my emotions a lot becausae someone has to be tough right? Ive always felt like I live a double life. One at home and one away from home. This isnt a post where im asking for help its just to let you guys know we the same feelings and the same thoughts that run through our heads. Its hard and im not sure when my dad will recover. Hes been in and out of rehab for years. Actually, up until 4 days ago my dad was sober for 6 months. I cant even begin to express how happy i was that he was sober. He got a job and was working so hard that he got promoted manager and was going to be one in a couple months. He comes to visit me every weekend and calls me every single night. This weekend he came to visit me and he was acting high, you know when they just talk about random stuff and there eyes look glossy ect. Ive been living with a drug addicted parent for my entire life and they still think they can pull it of right? I was dissapointed and of course sad. I knew that it was back to the same sh** again. He of course lost his job and will probably get kicked out from where he lives ( a sober house) As i get older i wonder if my dad will make it. i hate thinking about him passing but i cant help it. I wonder if he will over dose on something and thats it. I blame myself a lot for not saying i love you to him a lot or not showing that i love him a lot and i guess thats normal to blame yourself, even though its not my fault. Its just sad how they put drugs in front of anyone knowing they had everything before it. I hate it, im stressed out again and not doing so well in college now because of it. All i can do is hope and pray that one day he will realize things. 

 

To anyone that is going through any sort of drugs with there parents just know you arent alone and we share many things that no one will be able to understand. Because of the addiction it has me grow up fast, i matrued very fast and i guess i know what life is really like now......

hope things get better for all of you xoxo

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