If someone could relate/advise that would be great. - Emma

Hi all

I hope somebody out there is able to relate to this. 

At the moment I feel like I have nobody... yes my family are always there for me, but no friends. I am not being bullied or ignored or to an extent where I am scared. I feel like everybody I speak to is using me; like I am there for them when they get bored. I try to arrange trips to the cinema, ice skating etc but they say they are "too busy". I always have had time for people, I come out of whatever I am doing and will offer advice to those who come to me. However when I need them they are nowhere to be seen. I feel isolated, like I do not like to keep a conversation going with people of my own age mainly. I can have a long conversation with teachers or older people along with my family as they respect me like I am a somebody. I have a lot of motivation to do the things I enjoy; sports, fundraising as people I do it for respect my enthusiasm. At school, when I sit at lunch with people I feel like I am invisable. Yes, they do talk to me but I am feeling quite blunt as I know that it is just to see what is the matter... yet if I told them they would comfort me, with a lie. I have started to sit alone at lunch, or keep myself to myself. Eating patterns have become stranger and stranger and my socializing skills have weakened. In class, it does no bother me of what people think... yes I am loud and are known to have a "cheeky" side to me, which is always good. I would rather please myself and the people ho respect me than to try and make my friends, so called, acknowledge me. I thought I had it all! I normally wait for people to travel down the roads with me, but no, I am putting me first now and going to travel alone with my family. If I want something what is the point waiting? 

 

People are users these days and it hurts when I get broken hearted. My Mum lives just around the corner from me, where she feels that it is ok to live there after the abusive childhood I have had. No I do not like it; I feel like she is taking away my family and intimidating everyone. My mind is mixed up and I do not want to think. 

For so long I have tried to please so many people, and get crushed each time. No, if I please myself that is all that matters. Going to get through it all alone, with my family... and the help from COAP and the people I know who do care for me. It hurts. 

Sorry for this rant, is anyone out there able to relate? I hope so! 

Emma  

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