My Mother the Coke Addict
Im new to this website and my counselor at my school recommended it so here i am telling my story of how my mother's drug addiction has caused myself so much heartache and issues.
Being young, my dad would always work during the day and i would be home with my mom but she was always in the bathroom and i was left by myself to play with my toys. As i grew older, i grew wiser and noticed that my mom wasn't a 'normal mom'. I would take rides with her to what i know now are her drug dealers and watch her leave money in our mailbox because she can't drive anymore.
Growing up i always acted like the parent and not the kid or teenager. My dad would take my mother's drug addiction as an opportunity to take advantager of her and take money from her without her realizing because she was too high on cocaine to notice. I could never have friends over. But, its funny because there are two sides to my mother, one when she is high and the other where she can actually get up and go to work and be a functional member of society. But i feel like i have to remind her of simple things like open up that important letter you got from your insurance. My mother even went to jail for collecting unemployement while having a job and she would have stayed in jail if it wasnt for my grandmother who did what she could to pay off what she owned so she could get out and see me go to my prom and graduation. God nows that I struggle to help my dad out with the bills while she blows all her money on drugs.
I go to school and work two jobs and it still isn't enough. I feel like i have no mother and no father. Because of both of them, i have severe abandonment issues and hate doing things by myself. Sometimes i feel like giving up and letting her just kill herself because she went from doing drugs once a week, to everyday now. A part of me still cares but its the hardest thing and now that im going to counseling for free at my school, im working on my issues and starting to put myself first.
Im sorry if my story is all over the place but its hard to stick to one thing when you have so much hurt to put out there.
I hope one day i can become the mother she never was to my children and lead some sort of a normal life.