This is a story I’ve never told..........
Well it all started when I was about 13. My Dad always drank but before I was 13 it was never really a problem but then it all got worse. He used to go to the pub every night up until about 11 o’clock at night. I would sit at home all on my own feeling very worried and wondering when he was going to come home.
I was constantly on edge and worried sick, then he would come in stinking of beer or whisky and from that day I have felt sick at the smell of whisky. He'd walk in hardly able to stand up straight. I would say “you promised you wouldn’t do this again” and he said “I know I’m sorry I won’t”. It was just lie after lie, broken promise after broken promise.
Then I’d go to bed but not be able to sleep as he'd be shouting on the phone to someone, keeping me awake so I’d When it was time to get up for school I could never get up and I was always tired but somehow I managed to put on a brave face at school and get on with my school work because I somehow had some determination in me to make something of myself. The one thought that kept me going was 'I can’t end up in the same place as my Dad' but would always dread going home because I knew my dad would be drunk at home or in the pub.
I often felt lonely going home to an empty house knowing I’d have to fend and look after myself and on top of that look after my Dad. It was so painful to see how low he was sinking and I tried everything to help him up when he fell.
I never told anyone about the problems at home because I didn’t know who to tell and I could never bring myself to tell anyone. I thought they would look at me like I was mad, so I just bottled it all up and acted like it wasn’t happening.
I kept running away from it I guess which didn’t help at all and I realise that now. I still feel the guilt of not telling anyone but I was so scared of losing my dad and always thought I needed to tell someone. I used to find empty whisky bottles in his room and in his coat pocket. It always made me feel so hurt and sad and the thought of it still makes me feel the same.After a year of living with my Dad I moved in with my Nan because my Dad got to the point where we nearly ended up losing everything and it wasn’t the right place for me to be, but living somewhere else still didn’t take away the worry and fear I carried around with me. My dad used to ring me up at night drunk shouting for hours and yet again I’d be lying awake upset and worried but still had to put on a brave face when I went to school or even when I saw anyone. I would smile at everyone that walked past me but inside I was dying and that feeling just seemed to get worse every day. I honestly don’t know how I got though it all but I did and I’m very proud of that. If it wasn’t for the bad experiences I wouldn’t be the person I am today. So for anyone who is going through similar situations please don’t give up on yourself. Believe, stay strong and smile, turn a negative experience into a positive one and learn from past experiences to change your future. A part of me will always miss my old Dad the man he used to be before the drink took over him and I just hope one day he realises it and he gets help. A part of me will always feel sad about the past but it’s made me a stronger person and for anyone going through this, TELL someone, ask for help when you need it and talk about it you will feel much better trust me. Keep smiling