Fed up

Helllo all 


Just a recap on reason why i have joined. i think my mum is a borderline acholic she drinks oftern (most evenings) used to be worse when i was much yonger.i feel like this played a big part on my life decisions such as anexity issuse, constant worrying about others and the smallest thing,bad temper and i dont get drunk due to the effect it has on your mind and the effect of her drink it has on me. 

I have a temper i control it well but when my mum gets drunk she has a bad attuide and gives me sometime a hard time which sometimes trigers my temper. i have got better by not retaliating but its very diffcult. i am one of 7 siblings and im the yongest who has had the back lash of her drinking for years.she developed this issuse when i was younger and during this time my older siblings had plans to move on with there lives etc.

I am currently still living with my mother. I work full time currently training to be a manager. however im finding it intense and i work long hours. so im barely home which is great as im away from all the drinking but i miss the evenings when i can sit with my mum and chat to her about my work and other stuff when she is sober. I purposly avoid my mum when she drinks as it effects me a lot in my mood and  my day to day life. i cant let this issuse control my life as i feel it has took over so much of it growing up already. Tonight is another evening i have came home i havet really seen my mum all week maybe twice- three times i saw her last week and she is in bed by 8:00 i know she for a fact she hasnt gone to bed as she is tired its because she is drunk .so she aviods me by going to bed as she knows i most likely question her on why she is drinking again .i feel like she has been getting worse as im not here as much.

i am feeling the pressuse from my work and now im getting it at home. i have cried sometimes after work as its to much but i am working harder in the day to make sure its kept of my mind and it dosent effect my work life as this is my career about to start. I have sat down and spoke to her on how much pressue it puts on me which dosent help my aneixty levels she laughs or jokes about my concens or issuse towards her drinking. i dont have many people to talk to about this. my siblings dont help me the only back lash they have from this is a phone call complaining or argueing about something so pointless from my mum then i get them complaing to me about it all when no one hasnt really bin there for me. I dont like sharing my mum issuse with others as i have more concern on what they think about my mum and i think it is diffcult for people to understand the effect espically when they go out and get drunk and see it as a fun thing to do. but to me watching oder women getting drunk when im out gives me anexity and i start getting angry. i am getting so fed up on how much this is effecting me and my mind frame when im out with my friends and coming home not really seeing or talking to my mum as she is drunk most evenings. i dont know what i should do with her