Coping with alcoholic parent over a long period on your own?

I'm kind of struggling at the moment... really don't know how to deal with having one alcoholic parent and the other one being dead from alcoholism. My mum died 7 years ago from alcohol related illnesses and straight after my mums death my dad started to become an alcoholic, he has been depending on alcohol ever since my mum died really.I try to remain strong but it destroys me all the time, I can never just 'forget' it as my dad likes to tell me, he tells me that what he does shouldnt affect me and that it is non of my business but how can he think that.It makes me so angry and down in general because I know what the situation is always going to be, my dad has essentially given up on his life and everything that he used to do and what he used to be like. I used to have counselling but all I used to talk about was my dad/mum and the alcoholism issue, thats all. and how am I meant to feel better when its always going to be the same or worse depending on my dad.. Sometimes I just don't know how to deal with all these feelings inside, I wish I had someone to talk to, a friend or anyone that I could talk to but I dont.

I wish he would realise how much he's hurting me, he should know considering I have told him before but it doesnt sink in for him that he should change and actually try to stop rather than just saying he has tryed everything in the past and 'cant be bothered' to do anything anymore. I just want a happy and balanced family situation I feel like i've missed that for years and years and it hurts. I used to self harm (cut) but I havent really done that in years, sometimes my mind goes to that but I am strong enough most of the time to resist. I just dont know how to deal with the pain and the feelings, I always feel rubbish about myself and I feel like i'm not good enough to have a happy home (free from alcohol and addiction) because I havent had that in more than 7 years. I feel like people in my family just think I can deal with it all and that I'll be fine but my emotions are all over the place and I feel like I dont know what to do with myself.

 

 

 

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