I wish I'd known about this place growing up

Hi,

I'm 27 years old and lived with my alcoholic mother for almost 21 years. 

I never noticed an issue in my early years until i was 11/12 and started staying at friends and then realised it isn't normal to be drinking at 8 in the morning. I have 2 younger brothers who are 10 and 11 years younger than me. We have all been affected by my mums alcohol abuse. I spent a lot of my time looking after my brothers as my mum was never really capable of supporting them while battling with her own issues. It unfortunately meant that my brothers dad ended up taking them to live with him as i couldn't cope with the amount of responsibility it took. This was affecting my school life dramatically. I could never concentrate as i was too busy worrying about what i'd come home to in the evening especially as mums moods were unpredictable. Alcohol has put my mum and us through absolute hell, i've seen my mum go to rehab twice and not have a positive outcome from it. Having support for the affected is extremely important. I never told or spoke to anyone about what was going on including my dad (they were divorced) as i knew he'd take me away from her. I felt responsible for her being this way and i understand now that this is not the case. It is never your fault and that is so important to remember. I felt that i needed to stay with my mum to ensure her and my brothers wellbeing. Ive also experienced my mum trying to take her own life on several occasions which i really wish no son or daughter to have to experience, i cant describe how hopeless this can make you feel. I've joined here as i want to help younger 'me's' who are in similar situations and be there for them. You should never be alone. I keep welling up at the thought that there are people on here wanting to help others, I never had that.

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