On/Off alcoholic

Hey everyone, i'm not entirely sure if my mother can be classed as an alcoholic, but for as long as I can remember my mother has been an on/off alcoholic, if that makes sense. She can have spells where she will be fine for months on end, but also have drinking spells which can last a day to 2 weeks. As i'm writing this now, I can hear my parents argue.

I'm the youngest of my brothers, so when I was younger they would protect me, but now, as a 19 year old, both of my brothers have moved on, and I feel lost whenever she has a drinking spell. I thought as I would grow up it would get easier to deal with, but it gets harder, feeling so helpless when my dad has to take all of the verbal abuse.

Even when she's not drinking, i'm constantly worried that she'll come back home drunk. I find myself looking out the window hoping she'll be fine. I have 0 trust in her which I hate.

2016 was a great year for her, she had 2 bad spells, but when she does drink like tonight, I feel dead inside. Earlier my mom was shouting 'I wish I was dead' which as her son broke my heart.

I've spent most my evening reading posts on here, seeing how bad my life could've been, and how this post pales in comparison. The advice I was looking for is how do people cope when their parent is drinking? I barely eat or sleep when she drinks.

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