drinks

Hello everybody!

Im from Belgium and im 20 years old. Basically i've been really suffering for a few years because of the alcoholism of my mom. I mean, she must suffer too if she drinks and cannot manage to stop. It all started approximately 6 years ago, or at least thats went i started noticing it. 6 years ago, my mom fell for the first time in the stairs because she was too drunk. She was really hurt on the face and had a few stitches. It was really traumatizing for me but this was only the first time i saw it. It happened multiples times in the last 6 years. It really hurts to see your parent like that. I also saw her vomiting and denying it right after. A lot of those times, i was alone at home and had to deal with that on my own. She often doesnt remember any of that. These are the worst scenarios that happened and they dont happen very often. But a lot of the time, she's had a little too much to drink, and i can tell you (and i guess its the same for a lot of you guys) it only takes 2 seconds for me to know if she's drunk of not. I can see it in the way she moves, she talks. She becomes so annoying, sticky, agressive and repetitive. It is as if my mother was gone and someone else replaced her. She also have some problems to reminisce what we talked about or what happened on those more "everyday" days.

There is also something weird, sometimes she just takes a beer (which is not a lot) and she suddenly is drunk. I dont know if she drinks more when i dont see it or if it has something to do with a mix alcohol and medicines (she takes some because she has a lot of pain especially in the nec and in the back). Ive been trying for six years to support her, to have big talks with her when she is sober, to be patient, to yell at her, to show her videos of her when she is drunk, to make her special delicious lemonades or whatsoever. Nothing works and i cant stand it anymore. Im always paranoid, i search the house for hidden alcohol (and ive found some). I cant stand it when her breath smells like alcohol, it drives me mad. I try my best to remind calm but it is so hard. I know its a bit stupid to say that because its not that easy for her, but im thinking a lot about the fact that even when she sees her daughter crying super hard in front of her and begging her to stop, she just cant.

Its also a bit hard because my dad is not always very helpful. He definitely is aware of the problem and has talks with my mom but he doesnt seem as preoccupated as me. My sister is always there for me but for the last year she has been living abroad. I dont have that many people i can talk to about this problem.

Ive been disappointed so many times because my mom told me she'd stop. Then the next day, there she is with a glass of wine. I just dont know what to do anymore and i just wish it could stop, for her and for me. Im a bit desperate in terms of what to do as a daughter and how i could make this stop. I know it has to come from her, but it seem that she has not found a will strong enough to stop.

Thank you for anyone that has read my story. I really have hope for all of us! xxx

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