Hatred...!!

Ever since I can remember my mother has been an alcoholic, I will be 17 next month and have just finished 5th year at school so will be going into my last year (scary)!! All I can really remember from growing up would be constant fights between my family etc... and it still happens to this day. I personally find it extremely hard to open up to people and talk to them about how im feeling etc... so nobody really knows about my mums drinking and my family don’t really know how I feel about it. My best friend knows bits and pieces and one of my school teachers read a story I wrote about my situation as I left it in his class accidentally, but he never really said anything about it just kind of brushed it off.

I feel im at the point know where im just sick and fed up of the whole situation, and can feel myself beginning to isolate myself so I don’t have to talk to people or even be around them. Im at the point I feel like I hate my mum and I know hate is a strong word but I really do and as harsh as it sounds I don’t really feel anything towards her at all other that hated and anger any more. I hate being around her, I hate talking to her, I just don’t like having anything to do with her...

Throughout the years there has been many fights and arguments within the full family (I have 2 siblings as well) and im not going to lie I have put my fist through my fair share of walls!!

But now I feel like the situations at home are effecting my school life etc as Im constantly in trouble for the way I end up speaking to teachers etc and I feel its because of the way we all argue at home that’s just the way I end up talking to people at school... but I really don’t mean it but people don’t know so wouldn’t understand! I really wish there was someone at school or something that I could talk to and open up to about everything but im really not that great at things like that so don’t know how to get that help. I just kind of wish I could as its very difficult to keep it all bottled up inside, showing everybody what they want to see on the outside, but knowing inside something's different, and just wanting to lash out at the world hoping someone would understand...

Im not great at this stuff so if anyone's actually read this... thanks!! And any advide or that would be greatly appreciated!!

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