Adult child of alcoholic - new here

Im the 44 yr old child of an alcoholic - my father has been drinking my whole life and I carry all the associated baggage from years he always turned aggressive.

Christmas 2015 he went of the rails in spectacular style infront of my husband(he's never seen my father like that before) who he threatened and whilst my children were upstairs sleeping in my parents house. The subesequent bender was off the scales it was horrific even for him, my mother fled, I got lots of nasty voicemails from him, but she went back and after pressure from her I forgave him, he went sober and now has relapsed again hiding his drnking. I just feel I've reached a point where I cannot take anymore. I got the dreaded phonecall from my mother terrified again. Here I am back to square one.

I feel that everyone should have the chance to relapse and get back on the waggon but for me I cannot take anymore - Im sick to death of this endless cycle which is why I am here. I just cannot take anymore I just can't - after everything he put me through that Christmas in terms of the emotional distress and regression for me, my mother, my husband who now wants nothing to do with him and has only recently allowed him to come to our house and see my children. I cannot be back in this endless loop of crap. I feel desolate. Is this all normal?