Relationships

Hi everyone,

I'm Tanya, 30 years old. I grew up with an alcoholic father who passed away when I was 20 and around the time my father died it became more noticeable that my mum was going down the same route and she died 4 years ago. I am still struggling with losing them but at this point in time I am struggling with only just becoming aware of how much my childhood and early adult life if now affecting me. I read "it won't happen to me" and other online resources and realised how many attributes of an Adult Child of an Alcoholic I have and the one that is crushing me currently is how I respond in a relationship.

A very complicated relationship has just come to an end for me as he went quiet on me for a week and I discovered he had met someone else. I take a huge amount of responsibility on for always keeping him at arms length. I never allowed the relationship to become official because I was A. Worried about hurting my previous partner and B. Uncertain of my feeling for him. I knew I didn't want him to be with anyone else but I spent the whole time scared about what would happen if he wasn't right for me. The whole situation became all consuming, at the same time he was VERY clingy and needy which made for a very bad combination. Everytime I tried to bring things to a close for both our sakes he would coax me back into it. These past few months became difficult. I tried relationship counselling (on my own) in the hope I could fix my indecisiveness. This didn't work and now he has left me for someone else. He claims he had wanted to end it for ages but I feel abandoned and used, it's as if he waited for someone else to come along to move himself on.

I take so much blame for everything that happened and I hate that I didn't discover the details of why I was pushing him away during the relationship because I now feel I could have addressed those specific issues and not push him away. This has really opened a massive can of worms for me and I'm finding it impossible to let go of him.

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