Seeking Support

Hi, I’m new to this. I am a 44 year old Mum of three and my Mother has been an alcoholic since I was 8. She doesn’t drink all the time, but uses any excuse to secretly binge drink and when she does she is aggressive, nasty, self centred and relentless. My father is still in denial in a lot of ways and still keeps alcohol in the house. When I was living at home, my Dad relied on me to deal with my Mum when she was drunk, even as a young child, and in some ways this has left me feeling responsible for her drinking. I have made it clear over the years that I will not tolerate her drinking in my family’s presence (or mine), which she mostly doesn’t, but she still rings me when she has been drinking and rants at me at length until I can get her off the phone. When this happens it makes me feel sick to the stomach and my anxiety levels go through the roof, it then makes me short tempered with my own kids. I remain that way for days afterwards until I know the binge is over, then the relief that she is sober is overwhelming and I feel ‘grateful’ to her which is ridiculous! I can’t believe after all these years her drinking is still affecting my life and now the life of my family. I am at the end of my tether and am considering cutting her off completely, although I don’t want to do this to my Dad and when she is sober she’s an ok, if narcissistic, Mum. If she’s going to stay in my life I need to find a way to cope with it better and would appreciate any advice I can get. I am an only child and feel so alone in this, my Husband just gets cross about it all. Please help.