sound familiar!? its long but read it please x

hi there if you find your self reading this feeling as if it sounds familiar and you need advise or just some one to talk too then dont hesertate to reply! when i was eight i moved away from the home i grew up in with my twin sister, dog and single parent mum we all moved to be closer to a new school, i dont really know how my life was different to others i just knew i got a lot of bruises and i was a naughty girl " naughty nick" or the devil nick but i now realise that burning tea at the age of eight and getting kicked and punched at around are home was not really me being naughty it was my mum being irisponsible and drunk. then children in my class started whispering and saying ohhhhhhhhh your mums an alcholic, at 8 i didnt understand what this alcholic ment but i knew it must be a bad thing , it was only when people started questioning bruises and tired ness i started to mingle with new friends who then explained " alcholic" to me, 2 friends had to persaude me into phoneing childline which i did a million times always on the walk home i just hated going home and fridays were terrible a whole weekend stuck in nothing to do no tv allowed nothing but cleaning believe me ourhouse was always emaculate well wouldnt yours be! school holidays were spend at home alone with my twin and dog and a scheduled cleaning list which was to be completed. then i was faling behind with school work so they put me with a one on one teaacher as i was with her most days i grew quite close to her and i confided in her my goings on at home, who i had shown bruising and a tape of a nights worth of abuse on, she had to thenpass on my disclosure and her findings to the head teacher who i then had to sit and talk to him about the average night, he had the same chat with my sister who also confermed what id said and i never heard another word of the subject the nightly eposodes continued and then my mum anounsed we were moving 200 miles away i just felt lost. my head teacher approched me on one of the last few days and told me to pass on are chat to the next school and i said i would but its not that simple, i was ten then and still life continued the same except it just got worse she would get that drunk shed start making me sit in front of her whilst she cut my hair it looked rediculous and all i wanted was to sleep the next morning was the worst going into high school with chunky hair and tufts the laughs remarks and sniggers i couldnt cope then id tidy in up my self but i had no life i would be invited to friends houses so often but they got so used to no they just stopped asking! life was s**t. by 14 drinking got too much to handle i couldnt cope any more of the hurt and pain i broke down and told my year 9 form tutor it all just came flooding out i couldnt stop ! but it felt so good just to say it, you see it took me for 10 untill 14 in silence because i was made to believe i was naughty as every hit came a reason and i really thought i was naughty and i was embarressed, she could just be such a bully out side school shed drivepast me leaving us to walk shouting hurry home nicola got to get your dirty knickers out of your room of course i knew my room was emaculate i wouldnt dare have it untidy if one thing was out every draw and my wardroom all my sides my bed and every thing got thrown in to the middle of the room and id have to put it all away again and couldnt go to bed untill it was done and her every trip to the toilet shed come and laugh at me and swear at me. so social services were informed i thought finally yes! but no! they had a 20 min chat with me and my sister together on the way home and 4 hours with my mum whilst we had to sit in our room whilst she sat and cried and said she couldnt cope with her aunties canser and thing where temporerily dificult but that was just an excuse a sob sttorie used to make the social worker feel sorry for her and it worked hook line and sinker then she left us with my mum for the weekend after her visit in this time things continued as normal by 15 her hits stopped bothering me i didnt let her see me cry it hurt more cause she kept going for the reaction but i didnt give in eventually she slowed down on attacking me and went for my sister who was so much weaker i found myself really protectable i found my self to be invincilbe i put myself in between my sis and mum i took her attack and got sam away she was my angel at home she kept me going some one who understood and listened. at 15 things wer truly terrible i jumped out off the moving car 4 times just becuse i couldnt take her grabbing my hair and slamming my head against the window! my question is surly some one at some point saw the abbuse in the car it couldnt be missed! why werewe made to suffer? BECAUSE ITS A RUBBISH SYSTEM! it was picked upon but chosen to ignor! i was also nearly ran overby her she tryed to reverse over me i was really shaken up but felt there wasno point telling ant one. then the last straw, i left home, she had got her self in a right state she just jumped up grabbed my sister dragged her into her bedroom and locked the door sam was screaming i just ran out side and climbed in through my mums window pushed my mum over unlocked the door and let my sis out she ranat me wacked me round the head and perferated my ear drum i grabbed her beddroom keys and locked her in her room got on the phone and arranged to go to ladys i baby sat for i packed are bags opened the doors let my sister start walking then i unlocked the door on my mum and ran as fast as i could! the next day filed a report against her with the police so i would never have to return we both stayed there for three days but the lady had no space for both of us so my sister went to stay with my grandparents. then the next day my mum went and signed herslf into phycicatric ward in hospital we then found out she was losing her job to gross miss conduct because we lived in a residental home with oaps and she was the night warden and was too drunk to care for them so she had been sending us to care for them. so my grandparents said she could cope and we were to drop the charges with the police as my sister was living with them she felt obliged to comply with there wishes i couldnt it had gone on long enough i just couldnt go back! as my sister was my only witness the case was dropped i was gutted was was allowed to stay which the lady (pat) finally i was alowed out with friends and i had a life i enjoyed but the hurt from the past was too much and missing my sister and knowing she was having to cope allown lead my to skipping school and takingdrugs i also was a self harmer and had taken overdoses pat decided it was all to muck as i was living with her 3 children and sharing a room with 2! so i had to return home! when i livedwith pat i had the curage to also find my dad who id never met moved bk home not being allowed to contact him. so i moved bk in but into a new house it was just thesame i had only been living there 1 month and another bignight again me and my sister sayed in a buss shelter untill school the next day when we got to school they said they had to inform my mum we were there as we had not been home see came to collect us i ran off my sister returned my mum left to look for me and my sister left and i went bkwith my mum sam was missing for2 weeks the police found her at a friends and she explained she couldnt go home and finally some one who was helpfull as it was only 2 weeks untill are 16th then she could legally leave home so her friend mum agreed for her to stay there as long as possible and she didnt return! SHE THEN GOT OFFERED A HOUSE SHARE and it was great for her! i continued to live ther for 3 weeks then left i went to live in a youth hostel and we finally started to get are lives! we are both now twenty i have moved back to my birth place near my dad who i still dont know too well but i know him and i have a life i have a 11 month old boy caled oliver who is the light in my life and my fiancee simon who is my world, (dont tell him that) i am still in cotact with my mum she still drinking 4+ bottles of vodka a week but she can talk to me and iwill listen and help where i can she can still be real nasty but i deal with it . my sister also has a girl 9 months old and still live in my mums area and she still get stick and crisisisms from my mum but she copes! i dont let my past rule my life and dont speak to any one about it but if i could help you with my past youd be helpping me with mine or just helping me deal withit and put it to bed then i can love my life! nicola aged 20