alcoholic mum

I lost my dad to cancer when i was only 10, being closer to my dad i found this very hard to deal with but to make the loss of my dad hell of a lot worse my mum turned to alcohol as a way of dealing with it. i have gone to hell and back a numerous of times, i am now 18 and nothing has changed nor got better in the slightest. Dealing with an acoholic mum is possibly the worse experiance anybody could go through especially from such a young age. When my dad died i felt i lost my life completly, it was taking from me and ive gone through so much to get my life back. Id consider my self a home carer, caring for my mum on a regular basis as of when alcohol is involved. I honestly dont know how she is still alive, all through drink she is underweight, had a hip replacement, had a colostomy where a bowel is removed, had internal bleeding, gone into a diabetic coma when she isnt diabetic, along with a number of times being unconcious due to no food and too much alcohol intake. You can only imagine the life ive had these past few years having to deal with it, calling ambulances, putting her into the recovery potition, it hasnt been easy and there is so many other young people out there going through the exact same yet i cant help but feel like im so alone in it all. When i was around 14 i turned to self harm and i went for councelling where i took part in a CBT course which helped me loads and i would never self harm again. After taking part in CBT it helped me control my feelings and anger and i managed to cope for a short while. Ive recently been to the doctors again for councelling but i havnt followed through with it, and im regretting my decision turning it down but im so used to blocking it all out and getting on with it, ive come to terms that nothings going to change but i am so depressed at the moment i just cant understand why she keeps doing this to me and putting me through this pain, im gradually falling down into a deep hole and i need some reasurrance to help bring me back up! i have no body i feel i can open up too so i hope this helps.