I guess i'm not quite sure how to put this into words yet, it's such a taboo subject in my family I've never talked about it before. But staying silent is driving me crazy and I can't stay quiet about it anymore.

Hi, I'm 15 and I live in England. I'm a normal sort of schoolgirl, I get good grades and have a close set of great friends. Is secure in her life outside of the house. I live with my two parents and two sisters. My older brother moved out a couple of years ago. And everynight, starting from around 6.30, my dad begins to drink.

It all started a few years ago, when i was around 9 or 10. My nan, my dads mum, died. She'd been in and out of hospital a lot so it wasn't really a surprise. The combined strain of visiting his mum in hospital, driving all the way home and then every night expecting a call saying she'd died drove my dad to the bottle. When she died I can barely remember how I felt. Sad, I know that. I can remeber her funeral, all those people watching our little family standing at the front of the church. I couldn't stop crying, throughtout the whole service. My dad lost it then, I guess. My older sister told me he started drinking heavily after the funeral, she said it helped him numb his pain. She said she thought it would wear off. It didn't. It's been 6 years and it still hasn't. Honestly? I don't think it ever will.