My dad's drinking has gone too far

Hi, i heard about this site from the radio and thought it would be helpful to write about my dad. I cant pinpoint the moment he started drinking excessively but i do remember my sister getting upset about it when she was about 15 so i must have been 9. Ever since then its been up and down in terms the amount he drinks. Sometimes he can drink and be ok to deal with, meaning he doesnt offend anyone or become awkward. Other times he drinks so much he cant even walk or stand properly.

I remember on many occasions coming home from school and my dad would have made dinner. it would be a complete mess in the kitchen because he had been drinking for hours but i felt that i had to be nice and eat whatever horrid thing he'd made. Sometimes he would pick me up from school then 'take the dog out' and get a half bottle of whisky or vodka and down it. We would always find these in the hedge or on top of the kitchen units, trying to hide it from us.

He would always get awkward and argumentative when he drank and when i was a teenager i would retaliate and shout at him that he was drunk and wasn't my father anymore. This didnt help at all but i couldnt understand at the time how he couldn't see how terrible he was and how much pain he was causing. One of the worst times was when my parents would continually fight after my dad became convinced my mum was having an affiar with the next door neighbour. It was completely untrue of course but he was always so jealous of any male friends my mum had and alcohol just fuelled this. Time after time they would argue about this when he was drunk and he would end up walking out, telling my mum to leave, calling her every horrible name and sometimes he would even try to hurt her.

Since i left home for university i've not had to experience this behaviour on such a regular basis and until recently i thought he was getting better. My boyfriend and i had invited them to stay for Xmas but knowing my dads history i told him that i wouldnt be putting up with any drinking from him at all and if he was going to he could leave. I guess i was being naive to think after so many years he could control himself but i really wanted it to be a nice xmas.As soon as he arrived he poured himself a brandy and for the rest of the night i had to follow him like a baby and watch his every move as he staggered around the house and drank almost 3bottles of spirits to himself on that first night. Christmas eve he managed to drink a bottle of gin to himself and become disgustingly rude and aggrevating. Then it all came to a head on the saturday after Christmas. Again he drank far too much, as did my mother and was in and out of the house smoking and talking rubbish. He was telling me to listen to him and trying to have a serious talk with me as he always does when hes drunk, saying how much he loved me and wanted me to do well etc. Finally we got him to go to bed and thought the night was done until he came back downstairs, id had enough of his idiotic behaviour and his chain smoking so i told him to go outside but he was being awkward and wanted to start a fight with me and my boyfriend. We were both fed up so we snapped at him and he took that as a trigger. Arguing outside with him, he was completely incoherent and barely able to stand so i walked off, at which point he went back in the house and tried to punch my boyfriend in the face. What followed was a night of arguing, crying and absolutely nightmarish comments made by him about my boyfriend and how he wanted us to break up and how he'd had a crap xmas. my mother who had got up from bed to 'deal' with him was also shouting at us and saying that they had been cold and didnt like it there.

Both him and my mum acted so terribley that ive not really spoken to either of them since and i dont know if i want to. Ive had enough of it and i think that they both need help. My mums just tried to make excuses for him for so long and just accepted his drinking as normal and acceptable behaviour. My boyfriend no longer wants anything to do with them and i feel totally stuck. It feels impossible trying to concentrate on my degree and maintain contact with them as i know i shouldnt abandon them completely but then i feel that as long as they know im talking to them, they think everything is fine. Im going to have counselling at college as until now all ive done is talk to my mum and sister about it. Im glad i can at least discuss it here and know there are other people who understand exactly how i feel. Thanks.

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