Is there anyone out there!

I feel like a 16 year old although I am 43, my lovely father was an alchoholic, he died 2 years ago, I lived all my life with looking for bottles and praying he was not drunk, I could tell from one look of his face whether he had had a drink, Any way here I am in the same position I have a lovely life, four lovely kids and I am him, got to go. XX