Daughter of a Father who is Addicted to Crack


I am a 24 year old only daughter of a father who is addicted to crack. The hardest thing is hope. I cannot bear to lose hope in him getting better, and I cannot bear to have hope in him getting better. So I go back and forth between the two, feeling heartbroken each time.

My fathers problem has affected my life in the biggest way imaginable. I was brought up by different extended familiy members, without much of a home. As a child, I really looked up to my father because he was the only one nice to me, and only one who looked really happy to see me. I didnt see him often, but I told myself it was because he was successful and working all the time.

As I was still a kid, but a little bit older, I was really confused when I had to visit him in rehab.

Each relapse he has had for the past 24 years has driven me into a deep and dark and lonely depression, as if a part of me longs for death, and a feel an actually pain in my heart. It has gotten better, because my depression used to last for months of incessant crying. But now the episodes last for days instead. Either way, the pain is the same.

I am trying to figure out how to help my dad, help myself, my dads girlfriend, my dads mom, and other people in similar situations to me. I would love to make a career out of it, but only if I feel that I can really heal myself and have the ability and knowledge to help heal others.

Why does drug addiction not just involve the drug, but darken every aspect and moral character of a person. It is a truely evil thing. Is that also your belief? Or is it not so bad?

I would like to hear anyones thoughts.

Many thanks,