mums drinking again

hi there :0) have just joined so don't know where to start .......My mother has been an alcoholic most of my 35 years when i was younger she was able to control it as she was younger too...... she has just finished a six week rehab programme about a month ago and has started drinking again .......I dont think she has hit that 'Rock bottom' what ever that is ???? I have resigned myself to the fact that she will never stop and as an adult with a family of my own i can only be here for her when she needs me. I adore my mother but i hate the person that she has become (does this make sense?) My reason for writing this is that i have never spoke to anyone about my life with an alcoholic parent not even my husband which he finds very hard as he says i have built a wall around myself and dont let anyone in through it....(He knows my mothers problems) I think the wall is a self presevation one as it has only been me and my mother and when she was bad with her drinking i was the one that looked after us ...... and now in my adult life i have to be in total control.... Have often felt i should talk to someone but am so scared of the outcome i cant fall apart.......i have to be stong ....Maybe by writing on COPE it may help me ????

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