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My dad is an alcoholic. It seems that everyone can see that except
for him. To myself, my mum, and my younger brother and sister, it’s
the norm for my dad to drink at least two bottles of red wine every
night of the week. His friends see him as a ‘Saturday evening
drinking buddy’, and his work colleagues see him as some sort of
‘hero’. It’s us 4 at home who get to see the real him.
It is obvious my dad is deeply tormented by something. He
suffered from depression about 14 years ago, and it seems to me that
his drinking escalated from that experience.
He has never been abusive towards any of my family whilst under
the influence of alcohol, although there are a few fist holes in our
walls and a couple of cracked banisters at home. I am now 20 years
old, and at University, but every night I lie awake at night
wondering whether I will get to speak to my dad the next day.
My dad is a family man but it scares me to death to think that he
has two daughters and a son who will need him so much in years to
come. My sister and I need a father to walk us down the aisle on our
wedding days, we need a grandfather for our children and we need a
dad everyday until those times come.
These are only roles a father can fill.
My mum is a very strong woman and I will never doubt the fact she
has done everything in her power to help my dad. She will get up in
the middle of the night when he has passed out on the living room
floor and turn all the lights off and get him into bed, and she will
make sure that his coffee is on the table in the morning so that he
is at least slightly sober to do the 2 hour drive to work every
morning. The worst bit is the two hours after my dad leaves for
work, as my mum has to sit by the phone dreading a call to tell her
he has had a crash or worse, hurt another driver, whilst at the same
time pleading for the phone call to inform her my dad has arrived
safely. This excruciating period of the day also repeats itself in
the evening.
It seems as though he thinks of himself as invincible. The
subject is a complete ‘no go’ area with my dad, as he will get
completely defensive about his drinking and storm off. It is as if
he knows that the second he admits to himself he has a drinking
problem, then it becomes real.
Until he does admit it, it is okay to brush it all under the
carpet and think you have years ahead of you because you are
completely in denial.
I have tried talking to him, I have tried writing to him, I have
tried every trick in the book to get my dad to go and get help. But
right now, it seems I am at a dead end. There is no way I am going
to sit back any longer and watch my dad kill himself and be the
selfish human being he is right now.
I just hope that I still have time to get married and have babies
before the alcohol wins.
This is one fight that I am not going to lose.
Darcy
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